Hong Kong: Land of the Twisted Doughnut



Dramatis Personae
Dad: camera-buff, occasionally boorish
Mom: tiny marathon shopper, hypochondriac
Homing/Stinky Brother: "Ming", guitar buff, occasionally boorish
Kev: Ming's bandmate, tourist, not dead
Kobuta: me, clumsy, occasionally boorish

...Plus about 30 other family members/friends

Day the First (Christmas Eve): Got up at 4 AM and trucked over to Pearson. Mon pays ce n'est pas un pays, c'est l'hiver! There was a big snowstorm two days ago, so we just squeaked by with a mere thirty minute delay. Crawled onto the plane with Ming and Kev (Mom and Dad were on a separate flight). Flew all day, constantly annoyed by Small Fat Child next to self, who elbowed me every 3 minutes. There was a kid with a big forehead kicking me seat from behind, too. Gar.

Day the Second (Christmas Day): Arrived at Chep Lak Kok (ha ha, "Kok") Airport in the mid-afternoon, fuzzy-eyed and scuzzy-toothed. Took the bus to the apartment we were staying at, in Wan Chai. We went to eat an early dinner with my dad's brother and sister (and her husband) at a restaurant with a most attractive display of fish tanks...right next to the fish chopping block. Mmm...appetizing. Afterwards, we went to the waterfront to see the skyline and, somewhat bizarrely, Christmas fireworks. I tell you, you haven't seen overblown Christmas decorations until you've seen a skyscraper festooned with lights depicting a hundred foot tall Santa smiling like the Marshmallow Man. And you haven't seen phallic until you've seen the Two International Finance Centre tower. Ugh.


The much more picturesque Bank of China building.

Day the Third (Boxing Day): I woke up and realized my "bed" (wooden board with a sheet thrown over it) was giving me hip-bruises. Ming, Kev and I went out to breakfast at Cafe de Coral (Chinese fast-food chain) and then took a stroll along Henessey. Walked to Causeway Bay and window shopped a bit (nothing opens until 10.30am, I've learned). Emerged from a flood of domestic helpers on their day off to take the subway home, just in time to meet Mom and Dad who had just arrived from the airport. Dim sum for lunch and then was dragged around town by my aunt and uncle.

It was sunny and warm out (hooray for t-shirts when all the locals are wearing fur parkas!) but the three of us were so jetlagged it wasn't exactly fun. Ming walked into traffic and I walked into a pole, so I guess Kev won that round. In spite of the warm weather, Mom was convinced it was cold and put on another sweater. Actually I saw a woman wearing a fur jacket even though it was 18 Celsius and sunny. Meh, to each her own.

Day the Fourth (Wedding Dinner): Breakfast at Fairwood (another fast-food chain). Watched my cousin's fiance humiliate himself and his groomsmen in order to win his bride over, as required by Chinese tradition. Off to Mongkok after another dim sum lunch (am surely turning into a greaseball by now). Strong-armed my way throught to crowds and left with a green bag for school, two hair clips and clothes that smelled of smoke. We introduced Kev to the typical Hong Kong neighbourhood diner, a.k.a. fly-filled wonton shop. It was cheap and tasted good and we didn't get sick, so I guess it was a successful venture. Dad bought a new camera lens, Mom enshrouded herself in another sweater and bought a pile of dresses for approximately CAN$4.



Wedding dinner at the Excelsior Hotel. The waiters were mightily confused when I tried to put my empty glass on a side table instead of giving it to them to carry over on a tray. Oh, and the hotel across the street later stole the juice from our hotel's engines so that it could blast across space to save Leonard Nimoy and obliterate some Klingons.

Day the Fifth (Dec. 28): Immigration day! After breakfast at a hole-in-the-wall congee place (CAN $20 for five people, excellent), we walked over to the scary, looming Immigration building to apply for our HK identity cards. The whole thing smacked of tricking the government into believing that I wanted to renounce my Canadian citizenship and become a bonafide Hong Konger. But it meant I wouldn't need a visa to enter HK in the future, so whatever. And I got to stay a Canadian, w00t. Met up with Maggie (SCS buddy from grade 10) in Causeway bay for food and shopping.


Maggie and me

I also met up with my old friend, Lee Kum Kei:



Dinner with my mom's somewhat snooty university friend and her family. The thing I hate about Hong Kong culture is that showiness and face are so damn important to some people. This dinner was at Jardine House, which is an impressive building, but auntie booked a private room for the meal, and it was pretty much the wedding meal from the previous night all over again. Considering it was supposed to be a happy reunion between two friends and their families, it was a little over the top, what with the lobster and shrimp and duck and wine and personal waitress and pre-printed menu with the auntie's name on it. It bothered me.

Day the Sixth (Dec. 29): Kev downed by a bad cold. We honoured our fallen comrade by buying him breakfast and going shopping without him. Mom, Ming and I went to a Chinese-style clothes store in Central (called "Kenki", ha ha). The store employees must have been overjoyed by the time we left: we all bought stuff. Damn them and their persuasiveness. They talked Ming into buying a Jackie Chan-esque shirt and jacket, and a blue silk lined jacket for Katie. I got the same jacket, only with a light purple lining. And for the life of me, I can't figure out why and where I could possibly wear it. The store ladies seemed amused by us, possibly because they turned around while attending to my mom to find me jiving to the background music in the corner because I was bored.


Snarking at HKU. "How cold is the water frosh?" "SO COLD!"

Checked on Kev at home (still breathing) and then met up with Dad (and his other, new camera lens) at Hong Kong University to take a look at his and Mom's alma mater. Dinner and dessert (daofu fa, yum) with my dad's other brother and his wife.

Day the Seventh (Dec. 30): More eating, more shopping. Kev watched movies and clung to life. Went to Times Square in Causeway Bay (U2 jacket, v. nice) and saw the scariest Christmas tree known to man:


Very noooooo! Don't eat meeeee!

Yes, five full days after Christmas and all the ornaments were still up, the carols were still playing and the employees were still wearing the elf hats. Poor souls. Oh, and we watched Battle Royale. Went to bed highly disturbed.

Day the Eighth (New Year's Eve): back to the scary Immigration tower to complete applications and take pictures for the ID cards. Kev still out of commission, so Ming and I went to Tsim Sha Tsui's Harbour City for New Year's. Talk about luxury brands: Fendi, Chanel, Dior, Burberry. Unfortunately, by 9PM we were both exhausted (in adjusting to the time difference, we all adjusted to waking up at 7AM and sleeping at 10PM. Oops) so we just had dinner at Delifrance and then went home. Chinese people love all things francais. Oo la la. However, the good folks at Delifrance need to learn that sandwhiches require mayo.


I'll make a wish that can't backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard. And I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it? Hey! Not bad. Nice, hot mustard. Good bread. The turkey's a little dry. The turkey's a little dry?! Oh, foe, the cursed teeth! What demon from the depths of hell created thee!!

Day the Ninth (New Year's Day): Morning with Dad and some of his siblings; went to visit my grandparents' and my eldest aunt's graves in Chai Wan. Really, not as fun as it sounds. Interesting to see my grandmother's picture (it was on her gravestone). She died long before I was born and I didn't even know what she looked like. She was pretty.

Kev was feeling better, so we went up to the Peak for some salubrious mountain air and the good view. Mom apparently went there to shop; she left to find a bathroom and came back with a new jacket, which she promptly put on. The electronic harp and scary plastic bus driver are still at Ripley's. Saw my first cockroach...at Marche! Ew ew ew. Dinner at another swanky hotel with more of Mom's uni friends.


We weren't supposed to open the windows in the apartment we stayed in (it was borrowed) but I couldn't resist sliding one open and taking this pic from the living room window.

Day the Tenth (Last day): Finally did a really touristy thing and went to Lantau Island's giant Buddha statue. It's quite a trip, from MTR, to train, to little teeny bus. The seats on the bus must have been made for tiny grandmothers or children, or maybe people with no rear ends. Scariest road ever, because it only had one lane for both directions. And it was really windy (both up and down to the sides). Somehow we made it there alive, had lunch and then lurched back to the train station in the TinyBus. Met up with Maggie one more time (poor girl was sick, but insisted on going out for dinner and, you guessed it, shopping) in Mongkok.

Day the Eleventh: Woke up before dawn and took the bus to the airport with Ming and Kev. Cathay Pacific, 4 hours to Tokyo! More on that later.