Backwards Mullet?

Dear Postmodern Youth,
Is this what they call "emo"?
Signed, Dazed and Confused

I must learn, but I fear my steps will never be small enough. Thus, a plea for guidance, in the form of a haiku, from those who are have greater wisdom, more soul-killing angst, and tighter pants than I.

Emo emo emo emo emo emo emo...

Cheap lazy blog post

'Low Functionality', 'Sightly Imaginative'...what the hell is that supposed to mean? Talk about damning with faint praise. Okay, I agree I can be kind of controlling/neurotic about details, so 'Slightly High Authoritarianism' is fitting, but I function perfectly fine.

'Very High Femininity': Maggie & Lyd decided that of the three of us, somehow I was the most girly. How? Why? This I don't understand.

Finally, 'Very High Trust'...in myself? In others? Very ambiguous and slightly worrying. After all, do not want to be a girly, non-functioning, gullible, and stodgy individual. Please don't tell me that's how people see me.

My genius is hard at work

Anyway, enough whining. This haiku is for Biku, as some may see on her Facebook wall:

"Tofu is yummy!
Soybean miracle in fridge!
SPLAT... Alas. No more."

Why

...do ladybugs find my room so enticing?

...can't I sleep?

...are drivers in Toronto such aggressive, tail-gating, non-signaling, swerving, speeding, lane-hogging, inattentive, irresponsible jerks?

...do I suck at life?

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Headspace not good and feeling very sorry for myself, for many inconsequential and childish reasons. Whinge, whine, complain. Just need to get it out of my system and to try to remember the good stuff in life. Like kittens.

They come in many forms

An idiot wearing a douchebag tie.

An idiot on a golf course.

The coolest idiots on the face of the planet.

Anyway, today's mammoth storm was mammoth fun...at least it was for me. Baked a cake, shoveled some snow, read some Naruto (God help me), hauled some snow, watched Utaban, climbed up the mountain of white stuff beside the driveway and fell into the 4ft snowdrift next to the house. Oops. Retreated back inside and nurtured my brain by watching Robot Chicken. Buk buk buk.

Well duh

My life is an abyss

I have failed yet again to rrroll up and win.

Thus, a drab, sad, little haiku, from the soul of a devastated double-double fan who will never win that 2009 Toyota Matrix dammit:

I rrroll up the rim
Doom, "Réessayez S.V.P."
A drained cup, drained heart.

Why, Tim, why?!